January was a month of considerable loss for me, the least of which was the end of 30 Rock. There was a time in my life when losing Liz Lemon might have been the largest point of impact, but by the time the end of the month (and along with it, the end of a television era) rolled around, I was so used to the emotional change that I just let it happen to me. I gave myself permission to simply survive and I managed to achieve that goal. Let me tell you, it feels like a freaking miracle.
In February, the wounds have started to heal over, but time will do that to a person. I don’t think that makes it any less painful. I've emerged from survival mode into something resembling the person that I used to be, although you can never really go back. I know this. I know this. I guess the point is that I’m doing better.
I find comfort in knowing that things can probably only go up from here because the odds are most definitely in my favor. After all, I live in a world where Justin Timberlake is releasing new music again, so I've got that going for me.
I've recently acquired two new signs that hang in my room. The first, “Seek out the Joy,” is a print by my beloved Marc Johns. Someone asked me recently, “So what are you doing with your time now?” I answered honestly, “I’m trying to fill my life with good things.” This means getting back to the basics of the things that make me happy. I’m reading lots, writing some, and taking somewhat calculated risks to get outside of myself. I've been to yoga twice now. Twice! That is huge for me! I am being careful not to fall into my usual Simon & Garfunkel defense mechanism of “I have my books and my poetry to protect me.” This means that I can still read, but I have to recognize that I need people. I also find happiness in a medium Sonic coke with cherry and vanilla and extra maraschino cherries. It's the little things.