Friday, February 22, 2013

Next Year in Jerusalem

(I think I'm due for my quarterly blog update, so here goes.)

January was a month of considerable loss for me, the least of which was the end of 30 Rock. There was a time in my life when losing Liz Lemon might have been the largest point of impact, but by the time the end of the month (and along with it, the end of a television era) rolled around, I was so used to the emotional change that I just let it happen to me. I gave myself permission to simply survive and I managed to achieve that goal. Let me tell you, it feels like a freaking miracle.

In February, the wounds have started to heal over, but time will do that to a person. I don’t think that makes it any less painful. I've emerged from survival mode into something resembling the person that I used to be, although you can never really go back. I know this. I know this. I guess the point is that I’m doing better.
I find comfort in knowing that things can probably only go up from here because the odds are most definitely in my favor. After all, I live in a world where Justin Timberlake is releasing new music again, so I've got that going for me.

I've recently acquired two new signs that hang in my room. The first, “Seek out the Joy,” is a print by my beloved Marc Johns. Someone asked me recently, “So what are you doing with your time now?” I answered honestly, “I’m trying to fill my life with good things.” This means getting back to the basics of the things that make me happy. I’m reading lots, writing some, and taking somewhat calculated risks to get outside of myself. I've been to yoga twice now. Twice! That is huge for me! I am being careful not to fall into my usual Simon & Garfunkel defense mechanism of “I have my books and my poetry to protect me.” This means that I can still read, but I have to recognize that I need people. I also find happiness in a medium Sonic coke with cherry and vanilla and extra maraschino cherries. It's the little things.

The second print is one that I made myself with a little help from a free font and MS paint. “This Year,” by The Mountain Goats, has become something of a mantra for me. It could come across as a little defeatist, but I love it. It means good things ahead and feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year. In the meanwhile, I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.


kat said...

That same song got me through 2012, and here I am, still kicking it.

All the good things for you in 2013!

heidikins said...

That quote? I need that tattooed on my palm or something. Seriously, 2013, is it December yet?


Hope your year starts shaping up and treating you right. If not, you have my permission (like you need that) to kick it squarely in the shins.


Ashley said...

Sending good thoughts your way! I think sucky times are pretty much a mid-twenties ritual because everybody I know went through them. You'll be okay, because you're awesome.

And Liz Lemon will always live on in our hearts.

Ashley said...

I said 'ritual' but I meant 'rite of passage'. I am sick don't judge :(

Mel said...

Oh Honey, Sorry 2013 hasn't been good to you. Things will get better. It's only February-there is lots of time for things to turn around. What started as one of my worst years actually turned out to be one of my favorites. You never know what could happen. Sending good thoughts your way...

Sara said...

"After all, I live in a world where Justin Timberlake is releasing new music again, so I've got that going for me."

That's just good writing. :)

Seriously, though -- sometimes it's really hard to remember the things that make you happy, so it's wonderful that you're consciously making an effort to remember and then to do them!

Nice blog. Sometimes I forget how great you are at writing. :)

Jacob Divett said...

Life goes in cycles, so you're coming up on the easy, carefree part soon.

Justin Timberlake releasing new music is cool because I can reminisce about where I was in my life when his last album came out and the one before that, and things are crazy different.

zaida dougal said...

you are so strong and wonderful and i am happy you're weathering the storms of life well. i want every happiness for you, because you are special and wonderful and deserve it.

miss you and our chocolate milk chats every day!!!

Jennie said...

I love your signs and am wishing you nothing but the very best of things for 2013! :)