Gretchen Sends Christmas Greetings To Her Internet Friends

Subject:
Well, yeah, the traditional calendar says it's the 8th, but if we're going by my chocolate advent calendar, it's totally the 22nd already.

Blog:
Hello from Canadia! Celine Dion says hi. I must apologize that I haven't written in a long while, but things here have been crazy busy. (The good kind!) How are things in internet-land? Did any of you attempt/finish a NaNoWriMo novel? Canada is wonderful—it is great, it is white, and it is north. I have eaten moose, poutine, and real maple syrup (thankfully not all at the same time), but I have yet to meet a real Canadian Mountie. Someday!

So you want to know what's crazy? As of Christmas Day, I will officially be halfway done with my mission. (Shameless plug: TwitterWit makes a great stocking stuffer! *cough*...especially page 152...*cough*) Even though I've got nine months left, I can confidently say that this is the best thing I have ever done in my life. I've pushed myself, stretched my comfort zone, and taken a stand. I've had a few good cries and even more good laughs. I'm learning how to love—this has probably been my biggest challenge, but my heart has grown immensely and still has plenty of room to grow. I'm becoming the person I was meant to be and that wouldn't have been possible without this experience.

Never before have I realized just how much the gospel of Jesus Christ means to me. I am infinitely grateful for Joseph Smith and I know that Thomas S. Monson is the living prophet today. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Not only does God exist, but he knows us and loves each of us!

This Christmas time, I want each of you to know that there is a reason for each of us being here. If any of you are wondering, searching, or questioning, I can't urge you enough to turn to the Book of Mormon or your local LDS missionaries for answers. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is strong enough to heal all wounds and because of Him, eternal life and eternal families are possible.

This year, I've discovered that Christmas is all about giving. (I'll take "Blatantly obvious statements" for $500, Alex.) Not so much about the giving of tangible gifts, of course, but about giving of our time and our service and our heart. May you all feel the joy of Christmas in your homes, not just now but all year round. I don't care how cheesy it sounds, but I mean it for reals. I miss you guys like Canadians miss Terry Fox. I'll write again soon!

Love,
Gretchen Alice

About Food & Faith: A Few of Gretchen’s References to Meals on Her Mission

When it comes to food and eating for the full-time missionaries, it is either “Feast or Famine!” (pun intended). The topic of food comes up frequently in letters home from many missionaries. What follows are a few excerpts from Gretchen’s e-mails over the past few months wherein food and eating are referenced. As you will soon tell, Gretchen is not starving on her mission.

We have also posted a few of her “food pictures” as well!

From Gretchen:

“Have a great Thanksgiving this week! We do have a dinner appointment, but I doubt it will be anything too Thanksgiving-y. But at Zone Conference yesterday, they did make us a spectacular turkey dinner with all the fixin's, so that's good enough for me.” [A reminder that Thanksgiving in Canada is celebrated earlier in the year]

“A church member took us out for an all-you-can-eat shrimp with his family. Phil, you would have been in heaven. There was lemon, garlic, Cajun, and battered and I think my total count ended up being 36 shrimp!”

“Thursday night we had a very enjoyable dinner with a couple from the ward. The husband absolutely loves to cook, so we had an amazing meal. (Pork Parmesan, vegetables with a dijon mustard sauce, fettuccine alfredo, and tapioca for dessert.) I taught a brief lesson on Elder Bednar's talk about consistency and then we chatted for a while.”

“On Tuesday we ate lunch with a couple that reminded me so much of Grandma Teedie and Granddaddy Vic that I had to remind myself I was in Canada and not in Utah. They're both French and completely delightful. He's a fantastic artist and she is very proper and an excellent cook. The husband tries to talk to me in French at church and even calls me ‘his little French Frog.’"

“We visited a ward member that wanted to give us some homemade apple juice.”

“We ate dinner with a family whose daughter is getting baptized in a river in Alberta this week. Her parents wanted to do a special presentation with the missionaries and we were happy to oblige, especially since we got food. Every Sunday they make nachos, which I think is an awesome tradition.”

“Tell Granddaddy Bob that if he wants real peaches, he's got to try some from the Okanogan Valley someday.”

“Everyone insists on serving us dessert, which we unfortunately can't decline without looking ungrateful. Ha!”

“Earlier today we ate brunch with some ward members. After an amazing breakfast (we never get real breakfast food), we taught them the 3rd lesson and it went pretty well--we're getting better at identifying what we need to improve on.”

“One church member had us over for dinner last Tuesday with one of her friends. The food was incredible--we had grilled shish-kabobs with sirloin and shrimp and vegetables. There was corn-on-the-cob and homemade chocolate cake and potato salad the way I like it. The absolute best part, though, was the grilled curry lamp chops--gourmet spices and the meat just melted in your mouth. Words can't describe it--probably one of the best things I have eaten in my entire life. So the upside of summer is that everyone does barbecue for dinner and the downside is that everyone else is out of town.”

“After emailing you last week, the elders were all going off to play soccer and my companion and I went to the Art Gallery of Greater Victoria. It wasn't very large, but had some great pieces there. There's a famous Canadian artist named Emily Carr, so they had a whole exhibit of her stuff. Dad, I think you'd really like her work. We ate dinner with a fun family in the area. We made individual vegetarian pizzas on tortillas and they were very good.”

"Today, however, isn't quite that interesting. We did take a walk down by Elk Lake and then after that, we came home and ate organic cereal with organic soy milk and I'm pretty sure that those two things make us official Islanders."

"Ah, poutine! I don't know why I've gone so long without trying this Canadian delicacy. For the uninformed, poutine is french fries with cheese curds and gravy poured on top, so the cheese curds get all melty and the gravy makes the fries all beautifully salty. Pretty much the most unhealthy thing ever, but that's Canadian junk food for ya. Also, it's AWESOME."

Bon Appetite!

A Few Pictures Prior to Gretchen's Transfer to Penticton!

Gretchen was transferred last week from Victoria to Penticton! The Picture above shows how grueling tracting was for her on Vancouver Island for nearly six months!

Penticton is a town of about 50,000 people in the Okanogan Valley situated 260 miles East of Vancouver. The area is known as the "breadbasket" of British Columbia. We are told there are numerous wine-tasting events in the Okanogan Valley during the month of October but it is not anticipated Gretchen and her new companion will be engaging in many of those activities, though Gretchen reminded us there are a lot of stories in the Bible about vineyards!

Here are some pictures of Gretchen before she left scenic Vancouver Islands. A potential title for each is as follows: 1) Finding Margaret Thatcher; 2) Supermissionary; 3) Missionaries on the Beach; 4) A Bunch of Missionaries on the Beach; and 5) Testing a New Missionary Vehicle

Gretchen is Still a Missionary and Doing Great!

Note from Gretchen’s Dad: I apologize for such a long delay since we posted information on Gretchen’s mission. Gretchen is alive and well and doing great. Much of the content of her letters is focused on the people she is teaching and so most of those details would not be shared on the blog, however, I have gleaned a few excerpts from her letters over the past few weeks below. My new plan is to provide a monthly update with excerpts and pictures (as they are available):

On the Weather:

“Hello! Victoria continues to be resplendent in the summertime. We’ve been the recipients of so much fresh produce that we’re not entirely sure what to do with it. The Okanagan Valley is famous for its cherries and now I know why. I hear the peaches are incredible, so I’m pretty stoked for those to start rolling in."

On Missionary Fashions:

“I read Seriously So Blessed (and my scriptures) everyday.” [http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com] Or so says my new T-shirt from my BFF TAMN. They were handing out mail at Zone Conference the other day and I was way surprised that a package had come from my favorite Mormon mommy blogger. TAMN also included a card to Sister Gretch-a-sketch and said that she was rooting for me and thought that the shirt might make for some righteous PJs. How awesome is that?! I showed it to everyone else. They didn’t really get it, but I assured them it was hysterical.”

“Everyday is ugly skirt day when you’re a sister missionary.” [A quote from Sister H.,  Gretchen’s current companion]

On a Local Ward Open House:

[A few weeks ago, Gretchen and her companion proposed to local Church leaders that they do an open house to invite people from the community to get to know the Church members. They were surprised at how excited the local leaders were at the idea. It became a big event that would have been held yesterday. We have not yet heard how it went.]

“The ward loves our community open house idea and got a little carried away with it. They said we should plan for a 1,000 people! Um, we were hoping for maybe 200.”

“In trying to figure out the bread situation for the open house [they planned on doing a BBQ], we called one of the local grocery stores to see if they’d be willing to donate some buns. The guy said they wouldn’t be able to, but that they could probably give us a $20 gift card to help us out. Of course, we said that would be great and went in on Saturday to pick it up. While we were there, I suggested that we go and see exactly how much a bag of a dozen hamburger buns would normally cost. It was the last day of the big sale and not only did they have both hamburger and hot dog buns, but they were only .99 cents a bag. Wonder of wonders, we were able to stock up and get the elders to pick them up from a store near their house.”

On Canadian Holidays:

“Happy British Columbia (or BC) Day! Someone described the holiday to us this way: ‘Well we get Canada Day off in July and someone decided that we needed a long weekend in August. Therefore BC Day (or whatever province you live in) was born. Church was SO empty yesterday because of it.”

 Pictures:

A few pictures below include two of Gretchen at Butchart Gardens, one of Gretchen on the byway, and one of some peacock feathers for colorful good measures!

Gretchen Gets Her First Baptism!

Gretchen and her companion have been teaching a gentleman for a number of weeks and he was baptized last Saturday! After all, that is the very goal of missionary work. She had commented in an earlier e-mail:

"Another huge push is to place an emphasis on the doctrine of Christ. I didn't know until now that the actual doctrine of Christ happens to be baptism. It's very cool--in the scriptures, the very few times we hear from the Father Himself is in relation to baptism. (See 2 Nephi 31 for example.) Anyway, I feel very fortunate to be here at a time where things are really starting to get going. Mission leaders have also said that the temple is going to bring thousands flocking and we have to be ready for it. So it's a very exciting time to be here and I'm beginning to feel like things are actually starting to click."

Back to the baptism, Gretchen noted that the gentleman being baptized was "was very excited, but also a little nervous (understandably). His mom came, which was a big deal, and we had a great turnout from the ward. Everyone brought treats and had a great time. (The only downside was that the church got really hot, because I SWEAR Canadians don't believe in air conditioning.)"

Gretchen seems to be having a number of Chinese cross-cultural experiences that she has discussed in her letters home. She and her companion are teaching several Chinese families and she went on a missionary split (a temporary assignment with a different companion; typically for a few hours or a day) last week with a Sister Missionary from China serving in Vancouver. Last week she also noted: "Today we went to Chinatown again because we had to get our oil changed. It was lots of fun and I took some great pictures."

Unfortunately we don't have any pictures to post this week but should have some for our next entry!

Gretchen's Quote for the Week:

"Love books and reject idleness." -Camilla Kimball

Gretchen Addresses Her "Internet Friends"

Dear Internet Friends,

Wow, time flies like an arrow...and fruit flies like a banana! Oh yeah, I should mention that going on a mission has completely killed my witty sense of humor. (But I must admit that I'm getting pretty darn good at making scripture jokes--remind me to tell you a few sometime). So this little note is just to let all six of you that still read my blog know that a) I'm alive, b) I miss you guys but I'm still not leaving Canada, and c) that it's my birthday this week and I need you all to tell me that you love me. Kidding, it's really c) I love being able to talk to people about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and that His Church truly does exist in the world today.

Long story short, missions are insanely difficult but they also happen to be very rewarding. I'm still figuring things out and there is much I have to learn, but every day is a little bit less overwhelming than the one before it. Victoria is absolutely *gorgeous*. I absolutely cannot believe that I get to live here. Once a week we get a "Preparation Day" (or P-Day as we call them) and I love being able to explore and experience the most stunning place on earth.

Canada is also lots of fun. Newsflash: It's actually very different from the United States. I know, right? Plus, Canada has better chocolate and they're the ones that brought Celine Dion and For Better or For Worse into our homes. We really have a lot to thank them for. Anyhow, that's pretty much all I have time for at this moment, but periodically I'll try and send out special updates just for you lovely people.

Much <3,
Gretchen

P.S. Is twitter still cool? I heard Bristol Palin had her baby and I'm kind of bummed I wasn't around for that. (Yeah, that's a weird thing to be trunky about, but whatevs.)

Gretchen Becomes an Official Islander!

We talked with Gretchen on Mother's Day and she sounded wonderful! (Missionaries can call home twice a year: Mother's Day and Christmas) We all laughed very hard as she tried to describe how she and her companion did exercises every morning from 6:30 a.m. until 7:00 a.m. We told her going up and down two short flights of stairs once or twice didn't count as an exercise regime.

Here are some excerpts from her letters and some pictures she sent as well!

"As usual, time is short so I might not get around to all of the stories I was planning on telling. Sister Weber and I are running off to a lunch appointment and then we're going to see the Wax Museum, which I am inordinately excited about. But it was so much fun to talk to you last night--I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time."

"We had a cool experience last week with a girl named Katy. She's taking some college classes at UVIC and living with her family. Her parents are not church-goers, but she recently started attending a Christian church downtown. We gave her a church tour and also taught her the first lesson. When we taught the Restoration, the spirit was so strong and she described it as being "really intense." We're meeting with her later this week."

"So today is Victoria Day and I'm assuming it's to commemorate Queen Victoria or something. On big holidays, EVERYTHING closes down (except for the staples like grocery stores--thank heavens--and gas stations) and we really needed to get our oil changed, so that'll just have to happen somehow next week."

"Last week we did end up going to the Royal London Wax Museum, which was an absolute hoot. We got some awesome pictures with some famous people (including Brigham Young, "the founder of Mormonism"--ha) and then once that was over, we walked down by the waterfront. We also stopped in to the Church of Christ Cathedral and ate at the Beacon Drive In for dinner. Best butterscotch sundae EVER. That was one of the best P-days I've had so far. Today, however, isn't quite that interesting. We did take a walk down by Elk Lake and then after that, we came home and ate organic cereal with organic soy milk and I'm pretty sure that those two things make us official Islanders."

"After knocking on many doors the other night, it was time to go home and we started back to our car when a girl yelled out to us from in front of her townhome, "Hey, can I talk to you?!" Sister Weber and I basically looked at each other, like, "You really want to talk to us? Nobody EVER wants to talk to us!" She told us that even though her mom turned us down, that she heard us talking to her neighbor. So she waited for us at the bottom of her stairs because she wanted to "talk to some of the girl missionaries, because I only ever see boys." We answered a few of her questions and set up an appointment for this Wednesday. So we're really looking forward to that."

 

Questions and Answers About Gretchen's Mission

Gretchen's mother asked her some practical kinds of questions about her mission. The following are some of those questions followed by Gretchen's answers. At the bottom of this entry are two pictures. The first is a picture of Gretchen not long after her arrival in Canada sandwiched between country and provincial flags and President and Sister Nelson. The second picture is a scan of a very old hand-colored postcard of the Provincial Parliament Building not too far from where Gretchen lives that Gretchen's Dad recently picked up at Ken Sander's Rare Book Store in Salt Lake City.

How big is your district?
I think there are about twelve of us. We make up the lower half of the Island.

How big is your zone?
Two districts make up our zone. The other district is the Northern Island. (Duncan, Nanaimo, etc.)

How many missionaries are in your mission?
Last I heard, there were about 110ish.

How many sister missionaries are in your mission?
Fourteen of us, loud and proud! Two of those are specifically language missionaries, so they serve in Richmond/Vancouver. I can't remember all of the areas where sisters currently serve. As far as I know, we're in Victoria, Courtney, Kelona, Surrey, Penticton, Vancouver Language, and there's one I'm forgetting.

Do you eat at member's homes?
We have eaten at member's homes and they're always more than willing to feed us, but in the past week we've decided to tract between the hours of five and seven. I guess the Tacoma Washington Mission (word to Emily!) started doing that as a mission and their baptisms skyrocketed and about 80% of those baptisms came from tracting. So even though it's not a mission rule, we've decided to try it out and see what comes of it. Anyhow, that's going to change how we eat because then we'd only be able to make dinner appointments at four or at seven and nobody really eats during that time. At the very least, though, we'll be getting more lunch appointments and we'll probably start a grocery list to help us out with that.

Are people letting you in the door?
Hahaha. Um. Not really. We have gotten a couple of return appointments and we taught one guy in his backyard (more on that later) but I don't think we've actually gotten in the official door YET. But soon, I'm sure.

What stands out as a major event for the week?
I'd say that our best tracting experience so far is that guy we taught in his backyard. Sister Weber was trying to decide if she had knocked on that door before and I said that we should just go for it. No one answered and so we were in the process of sticking a pass-along card in his door when he walked around the corner. We gave him our typical introduction and he said that anyone who had the guts to come door-to-door talking about religion deserved to be heard out. He was doing paperwork from home and on his lunch break, so we had to be quick, but we (and when I say we, I really mean Sister Weber) taught him the condensed version of the first lesson and then told him about the Book of Mormon. He asked for a copy (!) and then we had him read Moroni 10:3-5 and when he read it, he made some comment among the lines of, "wow, that's really powerful stuff." Sister Weber asked him how he felt and when he told us "peaceful," she told him that was God telling him that it was true. It was INCREDIBLE. Long story slightly shorter, we got his number and when we called him back, he said he'd been reading, but not as much as he'd like because he's working something like 12-14 hour days for the next week or so. So we're calling him back next week and hoping for the best.

What has surprised you the most so far (with just over a week of experience) since arriving in Canada?
Hmmm...I can't really think of anything super surprising. I'm still at that stage where I learn something new every hour, it seems. I guess it's surprising to see people's reactions to us and what we're doing. It's not always positive, but you learn to laugh those off and move on.

Mom, here's a story that you'll like. We got a referral from the elders for this older couple. We dropped by after an appointment last Saturday and Mom, you would have loved their house. They have at least 5,000 daffodils in their yard and they've been featured in at least five magazines. In the mid-summer, they grow peonies and the whole yard was absolutely stunning. I got some great pictures. I'm not sure how useful it was for us to talk to the lady about religion, because the majority of Islanders tend to think along the lines that "why can't everyone be right?" So we did our best and she gave us lavender soap that her daughter makes and at the very least, it's a seed planted. (Ha--pun.)

 

 

Gretchen Wakes Up in a Disney Movie!

Gretchen arrived safely in Canada! After a brief visit at the mission headquarters (including a brief orientation, introductions, and an interview with her mission president) she was assigned to the provincial capital of Victoria on the very scenic Vancouver Island. I know you want to hear directly from Gretchen so here are a few excerpts from her letters:

“Hello all! I'm writing to you from the gorgeous city of Victoria on Vancouver Island. We live in a church member's basement and there are wild daffodils that grow in our front yard and young deer come to eat the grass and birds chirp constantly [sounds like a Disney movie!].”

“Okay, so let me fill you in on the adventures of the past few days. We took a tiny plane up to the Vancouver Airport and I didn't really have any missionary experiences because I was sitting next to another new missionary who happens to be Dwight Schrute's doppelganger.”

 “We waited in customs for thirty minutes and then in immigration for another two hours and then we had to wait for another 45 minutes for President and Sister Nelson to pick us up. We had interviews and introductions back at the mission home and then we ate dinner and had a brief orientation and testimony meeting. I found out that I was coming to Victoria (yay!) and then we slept in the mission home which has the most amazing beds EVER.”

“President Nelson made us breakfast in the morning and at the table we had to practice our door approach, which was pretty nerve-wracking. We hung around the mission office for the entire day and met entirely too many people and we were totally overwhelmed. I said goodbye to Sister Wight (it was so sad) who was assigned to a Vancouver suburb and I got on the ferry with a bunch of Elders and we took some good pictures.”

“My new companion/trainer, Sister Weber, met me at the dock and a member took us out for dinner at Red Robin. Sister Weber is from Utah and we both lived in Perkins during Freshman year. She's been out for fourteen months and she's been here in Victoria for six, so there's lots of speculation about whether or not she's going to finish her mission here. She's super perky and going into Elementary Ed and even though we have fairly different senses of humor, we've been able to get along well.”

“Over the past few days, we've taught lessons and gone tracting and had dinner appointments and gone to church ─ pretty much all the typical missionary stuff. I'm still way overwhelmed in trying to figure it all out, but it's getting easier day by day.”

Gretchen Enters & Departs MTC Successfully!

This is Gretchen's Dad! I will only refer to myself as Gretchen's Dad on this blog. To use an author's name on this blog without connecting back directly to Gretchen seems almost sacrilegious.

First and foremost let me apologize for the tardiness of this post! It has been almost a month since Gretchen's final (temporary final) post prior to her leaving. I know many of her faithful readers are likely experiencing massive and violent withdrawal symptoms and I will obviously not be able to come close to satisfying all the Gretch-a-sketch cravings you may have. But I do intend to provide periodic updates on what we know about her mission in the hope that loyal readers can share in her experience if only in a distant, incomplete, and vicarious fashion.

Gretchen started off on her mission on a most positive note. She sent several letters and e-mails about her Missionary Training Center (MTC) experience that were incredibly positive and upbeat. One could sense a spiritual transformation taking place which is, in part, what a mission is all about. That positive attitude showed through again when she had a chance to talk with her Mother on the phone at the airport just before she flew to Vancouver on Wednesday April 15th. We have not heard from her since her arrival in Vancouver and eagerly await news about her first assignment and adjustment to missionary life on the front lines.

I have attached four pictures on the blog for your viewing pleasure. They include:1) Gretchen at the front door of the MTC; 2) Gretchen with her younger but substantially taller brother Phillip at the MTC; 3) Gretchen with her MTC companion, Sister Wight (from California...also going to Vancouver) with whom she got along wonderfully (and the two of them looking very sassy...not the traditional missionary pose in my day!); and 4) other sister missionaries in her "district" who were headed to different locales around the world!

Until I post again, may your days be pleasant and safe!

 

  

  

 

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

I just wanted to take a minute to thank you all for making blogging so fun for me. Sometimes my hobbies don't tend to stick, but it's the interwebs community that made me hang on to this incredible, tenuous, and lovely form of communication. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment and letting me into your life as well. As cheesy as it sounds, I know I've made friendships that are going to last for a lifetime. You've touched my life and I'm pretty sure I've touched yours.

Even though I'm going to miss all of my worldly pleasures something fierce, I've got such a conviction and assurance about what I'm going out to do. I'm thrilled to be able to go out and share what I know is true. I love my religion beyond everything else and I believe that through my God, I'm going to help change lives. (And by the same token, my life is going to change irrevocably and I positively can't wait for that.) The mission is going to be challenging and stressful and I know there are going to be times when I question my choice, but I've decided that I'm going to focus on the good that I find. I am so ready to go and fall in love with Canada and the Canadians.

In short, thank you for being a friend. I'll think of you all often and I hope you keep in touch. I'll be back before you know it.

Ciao!

How To Keep In Touch With Me When I'm On My Mission

I leave for the mission in two days. Eeps!

This is all going to sound a tad bit involved, but really, it's NOT. Just trust me on this.

Here's the sitch. On my mission, I'll be able to email home and write letters on my Preparation Day. If you'd like to be a part of the weekly email, then you need to send an email to gretchengoestocanada at gmail dot com, with the appropriate symbols switched in for the at and dot. Say something like "subscribe" in the subject line. The email will be sent out with that fancy-schmancy BCC technology, so no one will be able to see your address. Holla for safety! My dad will be forwarding on that email, so if you ever want to unsubscribe (and heaven only knows why you would) then just send an email to the same address with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line and he'll take you off the list. The emails themselves will hopefully have some really good stories and they're going to be funny, but they're also going to be very religious-y. Just so you know. It should be a really interesting way to get the full scope of my experience/spiritual journey. No pressure to sign up, but there's the info for those of you that have asked.

The next way is to just keep up with this blog. Again, my dad is taking care of it so I have no way to guarantee how frequently it will be updated or if he'll even do anything with it after a month. It'll have email snippets, amusing things from the letters I write, and possibly even pictures. It's not going to be under my jurisdiction AT ALL for this next year and a half--I trust my dad completely with it, though, and how many bloggers can say that? Keep it on your readers because I will be back at this domain come September 2010 and that's a promise.  

Thirdly, I'd love to hear from you guys via the written word, if you feel so inclined. I've got the main address listed on my facebook page. If you'd like to be added to my address book, then shoot me an email with your address and I promise not to stalk you. Instead, I'll send you a letter at some point during my mission and who doesn't love getting mail?

Okay, I hope that all makes sense because I'm writing this kinda late at night. If you have any questions, let me know. More mission-y stuff to come....

Bad Horse

I was cleaning out my bedroom yesterday when I came across a stick horse I got from my days at The Toy Store. And like pretty much all things I don't know what to do with in my room, I went to go store it in the kid brother's closet. Then I had a thought....a horrible, evil thought.

 

I covered it up at the bottom of his bed and promptly forgot about it until later that night...

The kid brother waited for me to come out of the bathroom while I was getting ready for bed, stick horse in hand. This is how he tells it. "So I was reaching over on my bed for a book when my hand connected with this oddly-shaped lump. I'm immediately reminded of that scene in The Godfather, you know, the one where he finds the horse head in his bed, so I took a step back and lifted up the covers. Yeah, it freaked me out a little."

Even though neither of us have actually SEEN The Godfather, I love that he gets things. I'm gonna miss that kid.

Office Recap, "New Boss"

Just a quick housekeeping note--I don't think I'm going to have the time to get this week's POP done or write that post about feminism. In short, yay for women! and you should also read The Graveyard Book and watch Bones and listen to Middle Cyclone. Yeah, I think that about covers everything.

Since this was my last episode of The Office before heading off to the Land Of Bryan Adams, I was really, really worried that it was going to be a Teh Lame episode. It was very Teh Cringe-y, but not so much lame. Not very heavy on the lulz, either, but that doesn't mean it wasn't funny. (Admit it, you guys are totally gonna miss my recaps.)

Michael's been with DM for a stunning 15 years, which everyone knows requires a classy party. Dwight suggests that they have an ice sculpture of Michael's head covered in chocolate strawberries. Jim counters a few minutes later with an ice sculpture surrounded by chocolate-covered fruit. Maybe strawberries? This episode is very special something for the ladies, since Jim Halpert spends it in a tux. See, Dwight sent out a memo talking about taking workplace dress more seriously. Jim can't help but comply. He spent 40 minutes getting ready and Pam's just eating it all up.

Idris Elba (Stringer Bell from The Wire, which I only know because everyone mentions that in the same breath as they say his name) arrives as Charles Minor. (Minor? I 'ardly know 'er!) He's the tough-guy boss who's going to establish order and peace once more to Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Poor guy, I don't think he really knew what he was in for. The reception is warm and Michael leads them from the break room to the conference room, where he's prepared bagels in the shape of Cs. And was that lox at the end of the table? It took Michael all night to prepare and it's not long before Charles is messing with Michael's mind. He does everything from disband the PPC (no thanks to Phyllis, pshhh) to tell Kevin that he can't get overtime for fixing an accounting mistake.

Michael turns from adoring to resentful to petulant all in the course of a day, which isn't entirely out of character. Pam has a great talking head about how the immaturity level of his comedy act is in direct correlation to how mad he is. This time he skipped right over Ace Ventura to the "I'm going to repeat everything you say" routine. Ah, yes, the old repetition stand-by. Audiences love that. He tattles to David Wallace, who patiently explains that Charles is his new go-to guy. This is all very confusing for Michael because Jan, his old lover, would only come to Pennsylanvania when she was super horny and Ryan would only drop by to visit his parents and do laundry.

Along with some harmless flirting from Kelly and Angela (well, so far it's harmless), Charles makes the biggest impact in Jim's life. The logistics of Jim's prank don't go over well with Charles and then he argues with Jim over the Assistant (to the) Regional Manager position. Jim quips that "For my next trick, I will now make my career...disappear!" I know they don't get along now, but I think that there may be potential for a BFF relationship in the future. Maybe, I'm not sure yet.

After a failed attempt to reach David on the phone (with a little help from Dwight who charms the receptionist by saying that Michael Scotch has captured Wallace's kid), Michael actually drives up to New York and confronts the CFO. He's always looked up to David and he's not happy with this sudden turn of betrayal. David promises that he'll find the money for Michael's 15th Party and he'll also attend. In a strange turn of events, Michael doesn't accept but instead quits. Dun-dun-dunnnnn.

So I suspected that this was coming based on certain spoilers I've read and it's not like he'll be gone forever. I think it'll be good for Michael to re-interpret his life away from DM. This episode was definitely cringe-worthy and I LOVE it when The Office does the really cringe-y stuff. I had one of those awkward pit-in-my-stomach feelings when he was doing the repeating thing and everyone was yelling at him to stop. It was great and I mean that earnestly. Stuff like that is one of the many reasons I love my show. Man, I'm really gonna miss writing these recaps.

Stay classy, Scranton. I'll see you and the rest of the Dunder Mifflin gang in 18 months.

Office Recap, "Golden Ticket"

"Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?" 

I love Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory so much, you guys. I love Gene Wilder, I love Grandpa Joe, I even love Veruca Salt. ("I want a feast! I want a beannnnnn feast!") It is a perfect movie and there aren't very many of those in the world. In fact, I'd say it's the only movie that is actually better than the book and I adore Roald Dahl.

Michael has a stroke-of-genius marketing ploy to send out five golden discount tickets for Dunder Mifflin paper. He dresses up as Mr. Wonka himself and does a spotty Gene Wilder imitation. It's a day full of whimsy, excitement, and fantasy! Not a bad gimmick, but it might be a tad flawed. After showing him tucking the tickets into the paper boxes, he goes to the conference room to search for other "golden ticket ideas." (Band name!) Jim starts to pitch an idea, but it's too long. Heh. Andy throws out Golden Girls and Golden Grahams, neither of which Michael finds acceptable.

"I assume there's an accident indemnity clause."

Jim gets the first golden ticket call, from the Blue Cross. Not only did they find one golden ticket, but they found all five. (Wait, how did they find them so quickly? Did they have lines of factory workers opening the boxes?) Oscar confirms that they are indeed DM's largest client, which means they get 50% off for the next year. The phones keep ringing with David Wallace on the other line. Since Michael's not interested in taking the call, Pam relies on the list on excuses--civil rights rally, Obama fashion show (whatever that is), and trapped in an oil painting. Michael disposes of the costume in the dumpster and steals Andy's blazer for the rest of the day. In our second conference room meeting of the day, Oscar thinks they're all going to be fired because that's what shutting a branch means. Good call, O-dog. Yikes. Jim's got a mortage to pay. Carnations would have said the same thing as a house, but Creed begs to differ.

"Pampered and spoiled like a siamese cat / Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame"

I never realized this before, but Michael Scott is sort of like a perverse version of Gaius Baltar. Seriously, hear me out on this. So they're kind of idiots, but when it comes to saving their own skins, they'll do whatever it takes. Michael falters on whether it was an inside or outside agent and when he can't blame Jim, he lets Dwight take the fall. He calls Dwight in and they compare journal notes. Why keep a diary? Because it keeps secrets from his computer. I loved Dwight's TH about literally falling on his own sword, because even though you could totally see it coming, his delivery was great. Michael has nothing beyond his work, while Dwight has a beet farm and a growing B&B in the agro-tourism industry. This is true, but Michael's continual insistence that Dwight take the hit says a lot about how his character has and hasn't grown through the years. (Remember when he made Dwight pee for the drug test because he took a clove cigarette from the girl that looked like Alicia Keys? Good times.)

 "The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last."

David Wallace comes in and you half-expect him to be all full of sturm and drang. Instead, he congratulates Dwight on a lifetime guarantee from the Blue Cross because they loved the promo so much. With a slight protest from Michael, Dwight accepts the honor because he believes in getting ahead for survival. Everyone congratulates Dwight on his success--Creed is oddly sincere, but Pam plays along just to goad Michael. They go in for a phone meeting with marketing and while Michael and Dwight argue about who has the best ideas (Toilet Buddy vs the Horse Boat), Wallace figures out what's going on and leaves once more. Okay, why does he have so much faith in these guys? He's certainly been working with them long enough to not take either of them seriously.

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever."

In a relatively minor B-plot, Kevin needs help with the woman from the Lonely Hearts Party from last week. Andy is all for back-handed compliments, Jim thinks you should joke with her but wait for like five years and then ambush her and tell her you love her, and Pam says he should show interest. Ah, sounds like Pam's been brushing up on her He's Just Not That Into You. There's bickering and a brilliant 3-way talking head about shame, rage, and hot people. The storyline concludes with Kevin meeting the woman in the parking lot (because...she works in the same building, right? Whatever, I thought it was weird.) He compliments her smile and says the two little words every woman wants to hear: "Niiiiiice....boobs." I think she'll stick around.


 "Look at me. I'm gonna be the first person in the world to be sent by television." 

 I enjoyed watching this episode more than any other in recent memory. I also loved the knock-knock joke bookends, Michael's Shoe-la-la business idea, and how he wants the credit without any of the blame. Classic episode with vintage Kaling writing.


"But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he he always wanted."
"What happened?"
"He lived happily ever after."